The Odds Were Not In My Favour

i don’t think i’ve cried so much in one movie. it was really strange it was a scene would come on and id get a random memory so on top of the super sad movie that i was watching. its a tough pill to swallow when i have to kind of admit to myself that i havent really gotten over anything. i can pretend all i want and i can say “yea you know its in the past, no big deal i’ve moved on to bigger and better things” when it’s not true. 

its kind of funny because ever since day one i’ve tricked myself into thinking that i’ve accepted the things that have happened. i’ve never done more damage to myself physically and mentally to myself than in that week. pretty sure that was pretty heavy denial and i’m the oposite from where people when they are upset or stressed they over eat, i under eat and when i do its absolute shit. its not healthy i’ve acknowledged that. 

SO ANYWAY- dear john, interesting movie. it was heart breaking. im not sure how nicholas sparks come up with this stuff but my god haha, the last song was heart-b-r-e-a-k-i-n-g and now this?! please dont do it again. 

on a happier note, ryan’s having a going away party tomorrow night, i wont be here i’m going to keri’s but he invited me to go to calypso water park with him and his friends tomorrow but i already have plans with keri to go to the beach. i would have gone with her in a heart beat but the only reason why we werent going was because we counldn’t find a ride up there. i was going to cab and just cover it but it was about an 100 dollar cab ride. there and back alone. thats just 200 dollars on a water park! plus admission and i have to buy alcohol for tomorrow too. yea no thanks i will wait until i can figure out transportation. 

off now ! well not really, i’m always here. ;)